


Dean's Mixed Tape

by Crowleysgirl



Series: Feeling,Love, and Blood [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-04 14:50:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1782901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowleysgirl/pseuds/Crowleysgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Taxi Driver Dean takes Benny's truck back to the bunker. He finds something for him in the truck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Never Walk Alone...A Call to Arms

**Author's Note:**

> I needed a break from the other story. I hope you enjoy

Dean slowly got into Benny’s truck. He felt a little bad making Sam drive the Impala after the second trial but Sam kept saying he was fine. He knew that Sam was full of it but if Sam was going to lie to his face, fine so be it. He will take care of him when they get back to the bunker,for now he just had to get Benny’s truck back. He can’t leave it in that alley.

The truck was a mess it looked like Benny had been living in there for a while. Empty blood bags where scattered all over like a person would have takeout bags.  
Dean noticed something familiar sticking out from underneath a paper. Dean pushed the paper over to see one of Dean’s fake ID’s sitting there.  
He actually noticed that Id missing before. It went missing sometime after he helped Benny take out his old nest. Dean could not help but to laugh well he was trying damn hard to push back his tears. 

When he turned on the truck he was surprised what came out of the Stereo. Megadeth was playing. Dean could not help but to laugh a little more. Guess Benny was listening all those time Dean went off talking about music.  
Slowly the truck filled up with sounds of guitars. It took Dean a second to recognize the song.  
“Never Walk Alone…A Call To Arms” Dean said out loud as he figuring it out.

He put the truck in drive. He was trying to pay attention to the road but soon all he could do was listen to the lyrics as the music blasted through the truck.

"When you feel that somethings wrong  
I'll shelter you and keep you warm  
I'll never let you walk alone  
I loved you when you still hated me

Im comin and I won't be long  
Its time to reap what I have sown  
Never ever let you walk alone  
I know your enemy it once was me"

He realized how close the lyrics hit to home.Dean quickly ejected the tape from the deck. He looked at the label and his heart sank. ' For Dean' was written nicely on the label. No one has ever made him a mixed tape before. An image of Benny sitting there patiently hitting play and record until he got it prefect jumped into Dean’s head.He killed the one person who has never let him down to save his brother. Dean could feel his eyes burning and he could feel his throat closing up.

He took a breath and put the tape back in. By the time the first side of the tape finished playing they were back at the bunker. He pushed the tears back. He wanted to make sure all of Benny’s stuff was there for when he got him out of Purgatory one day, but he did not want to see it every time he was in the garage so he parked it in a dark corner. 

He sat in the truck for a couple of seconds. He looked around and seen Benny’s hat sitting on the dash board. He grabbed that and the tape and went into the bunker.  
By time Dean got into the bunker he found Sam passed out on a couch. He took Sam’s shoes off of him and threw a blanket on him. As soon as he was sure Sam was okay he went to his room. He put Benny’s hat away in a drawer. He then pulled out a stereo he found in the bunker a while back. He put the tape in and plugs in some headphones.

As Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters fills his ears he can’t help but to think about the first time he meet Benny and the first thing Benny said to him. 

“What, no thanks for saving your hide?” 

“Thank you brother” Dean whispers.


	2. #1 Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam wakes up on the couch and goes check Dean out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you all think please

Waking up on the bunker couch always sucks. Sam was so tired from the second trial and after driving the Impala home it was seemed like the most logical place to rest. He noticed his boots were off and he had a blanket on him. He smiles to himself he knows he does not say it enough but he is truly grateful for Dean.

Sam was feeling really sick after the second trial but when he seen Dean’s watery eyes asking him if he was able to drive, Sam had felt guilt build in his stomach. Benny turned out to be a decent guy and if he never gave Dean such a hard time about the vampire, maybe Benny would’ve came back with him. He knew Dean cared for Benny but he never understood how much until he seen his brother’s eyes. So he lied to Dean and said he was fine and able to drive back. 

Sam got up and went to Dean’s room he heard sniffling sounds like Dean had a runny nose. He peaked in the door and seen Dean sitting there with headphones on listening to music but he had clearly been crying.  
Sam quickly backed away from the door when he seen Dean standing up. He quickly made his way back to the couch and sat down. The last thing he wanted was Dean knowing he caught him crying. Winchesters don’t cry or at least Dean liked to pretend that they don’t anyways.

Dean walked into the living room and smiled at Sam.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Dean asked.

“Ugh little sick” Sam did not want to lie but he did not want to worry Dean.

“I am going into town get some food. You want anything Sammy?”

Sam cringed at being called Sammy. Dean has not done that for a while and after putting up such a fight about Benny he does not think he deserves it.

“Nah, I am fine” Sam smiled at Dean.

“Alright but you’re eating some soup when I get back” Dean says and leaves Sam.

Sam sits on the couch for a bit but all of sudden he finds himself super curious. He knows Dean’s sad music so he wanted to know how messed up Dean was feeling. He slowly walked into Dean’s room and then hit rewind on the little stereo. When he hit play it took him a few seconds to figure out who was playing. Some chick was singing that she would die for someone.

“Garbage” Sam said he and he is shocked he has not heard this song since some girl from junior high dragged him to see Romeo and Juliette.

“Why the fuck is Dean listening to Garbage” he said out loud.

When the song finished a familiar voice came on.

“If you’re listening to this sugah means I followed through on the song. There had been many nights when I just wanted to take my own head. Thought I could leave everything in Purgatory” Benny laughs on the tape. “Turns out it’s harder than I thought it would be. Miss you….Miss us.”

Sam scowled at the stereo.

“Us?” Sam says out loud very confused.

“The only reason why I am still here and not back home with the monsters is cuz of some small hope you will call me again. I can’t forget purgatory and I can’t forget our first two nights back topside. I know you can’t either. We were each others first that means something.” Benny laughed a little again. “I am having what you call a chick flick moment with a tape, but don’t forget Sugah you said you loved me first boy and I am not ever gonna forget that. Hopefully you never have to hear this tape I am leaving for you. I just want you to know no matter what I love you.”

If Sam was feeling guilty before now it’s eating him alive. He had caught Dean checking out dudes before but he never thought he would end up with one. Deep down Sam always thought if Dean just accepted the fact he was into men maybe he would be a little happier. Looks like Dean did accept it with Benny.

Sam turned off the tape before the next song came on and quickly left the room. He decided maybe he could shower some of his guilt away. He let Dean down again he will never forgive himself for pushing someone Dean loved away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #1 Crush by Garbage  
> I would die for you  
> I would die for you  
> I've been dying just to feel you by my side  
> To know that you're mine
> 
> I will cry for you  
> I will cry for you  
> I will wash away your pain with all my tears  
> And drown your fear
> 
> I will pray for you  
> I will pray for you  
> I will sell my soul for something pure and true  
> Someone like you
> 
> See your face every place that I walk in  
> Hear your voice every time I am talking  
> You will believe in me  
> And I will never be ignored
> 
> I will burn for you  
> Feel pain for you  
> I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart  
> And tear it apart
> 
> I will lie for you  
> Beg and steal for you  
> I will crawl on hands and knees until you see  
> You're just like me
> 
> Violate all The love that I'm missing  
> Throw away all the pain that I'm living  
> You will believe in me  
> And I can never be ignored
> 
> I would die for you  
> I would kill for you  
> I will steal for you  
> I'd do time for you  
> I would wait for you  
> I'd make room for you  
> I'd sail ships for you  
> To be close to you  
> To be a part of you  
> 'Cause I believe in you  
> I believe in you  
> I would die for you.


	3. Moon Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean just had their fight it Season 9. Dean got into his car and drove before he did something stupid like hit Sam in his brat face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feed back please :)

Dean got into his car and put on his mixed tape. This was something he did when the feelings got to be too much, when he missed Benny, when he felt alone. Sam and his fight was really bad. Sam said he would not save Dean if he died? He could not believe it, so he got into the impala and drove. Before he did something stupid.

“My pain is caused by my pleasure my soul mate lives in your body” the music was on so full blast. This song had to be one of the songs that made him felt the guiltiest about how he treated Benny. If he could go back in time he would’ve never had pushed Benny away. He should’ve just brought Benny with him. 

Dean punched his steering wheel as the music picked up. He started screaming the lyrics. His lover was dead all to save his brother, his brother that did not care if he was dead. Tears built up in Dean’s eyes. He should’ve never sacrificed Benny for that ungrateful brat. Does Sam even know everything he has ever done for him? Dean thought to himself.

“In your eyes you can bid me farewell” the music went on. Dean had to pull over it became too much. Dean could not breath everything was tight in his chest. Just for a second he thought about looking for spell. One to go back into time. He would’ve gone back to when he put Benny’s soul into his body and he would’ve ran with Benny. Leave Sam in stupid Kermit Texas with his stupid girlfriend. He and Benny should’ve hunted together. They could’ve been so happy.

Dean took a breath and said a silent prayer to Benny. He knew Benny could not hear him but it made him feel better.

“Benny I miss you so fucking much. Every day I think about you” Dean whispered. “One day will be together again my soul mate”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Moon Baby" By Godsmack  
> Let's take a blast to the moon baby  
> I sit around wishing you well  
> how I'm craving you, yeah!  
> Every time I'm near you  
> I always wanna swallow you down  
> I'll be right here if ya' need me  
> In my life, I'll need you here, don't ask why  
> I'll never disappear  
> why is it everyday that I feel the pain?  
> Let's take a trip to the stars far away  
> where were you when I was down?  
> Staring into the dead  
> my pain is caused by my pleasure  
> my soul mate lives in your body  
> I can't get you out of my head  
> It never goes away  
> In my life I'll need you here, don't ask why  
> I'll never disappear  
> In your eyes you can bid me farwell  
> but don't ever try to understand the situation  
> why is it everyday that I feel the pain?  
> It always comes when I least expect it  
> when I'm looking for love  
> always seem to be regretting it  
> Why is it everyday that I feel the pain?


	4. Something I Can Never Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny had one last surprise on the mix tape. Dean did notice until after he got the mark of cain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. I think this song best describes this whole situation the best. Once again sorry about grammar and all that noise.

(Past)  
Benny slowly crept down the hallway of the music studio. He had been working on Dean's tape for the past month and this was the last song. He deep down was hoping that Dean would never actually have to hear this tape but it was something he had to finish just in case. 

Technology was an easy thing for Benny to figure out. Benny was in the studio earlier that day, he had posed as an up and coming musician. He had a photographic memory (which was a blessing and curse especially if you are trying to forget a certain hunter.) So he only had to watch the sound tech set up the mixing board once. He quickly placed the tape in and made sure that there was a minute of white noise. He knew Dean well enough that Dean would probably not hear the last song for a while. He wanted this last one to be a surprise. When he heard this song on the radio the other day he knew it was the one that described their relationship the best. 

Once everything was set up he slowly started to finger the keys of the piano. This last song meant everything to Benny.

*******************************************************************  
(Sometime after getting the mark)

Dean scratched the mark of Cain. He knew accepting it was a bad idea but he was full of rage and he said yes before he thought it through. Dean decided he needed to calm down so he put on his mix tape. He has not listen to the tape in a while but he thought it was fitting since he was driving near the spot he buried Benny. The last song on side two finished so he pulled it out. When he looked at it though he realized that there was still a lot of tape ribbon left. He wonders if maybe Benny left him another message on the tape so be put it back in. He felt a little guilty that he never noticed this before. 

A minute pass and no music was playing. Dean figures that Benny must not have had a chance to finish the tape. He was about to hit eject when he heard a piano start. Nine Inch Nails 'Something I can never have'. No Dean thought to himself this is the ultimate of all ultimate break up songs. He could not do it. Just as he was about to shut it off he realized it was not Trent singing no it was Benny. 

Dean pulled over and listens to Benny singing away. Tears freely rolled down his face and he did not try to stop it. Dean does not understand how he could miss someone he has only known for over a year. Benny was the closest he has ever felt to anyone. Guys like Dean though they don't get that closeness. 

Dean ended up driving to the spot where Benny's body laid. He dug a deep hole and placed the tape in the ground. He could not torture himself anymore. Benny was gone and not coming back. 

An hour later Dean pulled back up to the spot and dug the tape back up. Nope not ready to let go just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I Can Never Have (Nine Inch Nails)
> 
> I still recall the taste of your tears  
> Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears  
> My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore  
> Scaping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep  
> Anymore
> 
> (Chorus)  
> You make this all go away  
> You make this all go away  
> I'm down to just one thing  
> and I am starting to scare myself  
> You make this all go away  
> You make this all go away  
> I just want something  
> I just want something I can never have
> 
> You always were the one to show me how  
> Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now  
> This thing is slowly taking me apart  
> Grey would be the color if I had a heart  
> Come on and tell me
> 
> (Chorus)
> 
> In this place it seems like such a shame  
> Though it all looks different now  
> I know it's still the same  
> Everywhere I look you're all I see  
> Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be  
> Come on and tell me
> 
> (Chorus)

**Author's Note:**

> Never Walk Alone...A Call To Arms (Megadeth)
> 
> Hiding in then the door way  
> And then the shadow  
> Any place where danger  
> Waits to kill my time
> 
> There is one who loves and waits  
> To seal your fate  
> Im sure as you live and die  
> Live and die, live and die
> 
> When you feel that somethings wrong  
> I'll shelter you and keep you warm  
> I'll never let you walk alone  
> I loved you when you still hated me
> 
> Im comin and I won't be long  
> Time to reap what I have sown  
> Never ever let you walk alone  
> I know your enemy it once was me
> 
> Let me wrap my arms all around you  
> Suffer the trespasses that you made  
> I will drink your pain away  
> Forever and a day
> 
> If you just call out my name  
> If you just call  
> Call my name  
> If you just call, feeling desperate
> 
> When you feel that somethings wrong  
> I'll shelter you and keep you warm  
> I'll never let you walk alone  
> I loved you when you still hated me
> 
> Im comin and I won't be long  
> Its time to reap what I have sown  
> Never ever let you walk alone  
> I know your enemy it once was me
> 
> When you feel that somethings wrong  
> I'll shelter you and keep you warm  
> I'll never let you walk alone  
> I loved you when you still hated me
> 
> Im comin and I won't be long  
> Its time to reap what I have sewn  
> Never ever let you walk alone  
> I know your enemy it once was me
> 
> When you feel that somethings wrong  
> I'll shelter you and keep you warm  
> I'll never let you walk alone  
> I loved you when you still hated me
> 
> Im comin and I won't be long  
> Time to reap what I have sown  
> Never ever let you walk alone  
> I know your enemy it once was me


End file.
